I don't even know what my last post says...
*reads last post*
...oh.
Haha, things with M haven't really progressed much. I haven't seen him in forever, even though he's been home about a week and 1/2... I'm still able to put my hands up during "Single Ladies" at the dances, so it seems more than anything that things are at a standstill, haha, if not in reverse.
I miss a dear friend of mine WAAAY too much. He's just a friend. But I'd like for that to change... Girls, you know how when you REALLY like someone, you sometimes imagine what it would be like if you got to spend forever with them? I don't mean like, creepy stalker people cut out faces and put them on wedding pictures (I've seen someone do that, it's way scary), but like, you imagine your first name with their last name or something small like that. Yeah, I've found myself doing those little things lately. I have no idea if he could ever see me as more than a friend... The worst part is, I would feel absolutely selfish if I asked him about it, or told him how I feel. He's concentrating on more important things right now. I would say that I may even be in love with him, but I feel like I'm just imagining him in my head to be super-better than he is in reality.
Specifics aside, I feel lonely lately. I see my friends with their boyfriends and even just guys that they're talking to, and more than ever, with their HUSBANDS... It's crazy, a ton of my friends have gotten married in the past 6 months. It makes me wish I had someone. Not just anyone, though. Someone that will make me a priority in their life. Not Number ONE, that's God's spot. But I'd like to make it in the top 3, haha. Someone who makes me want to sing cheesy High School Musical songs all the time. Someone who'll want to come see the show I'm in, even if they don't like the theater, just because I'm in it. I notice lately more than usual that I'd love to have someone to talk to when I have a terrible day and it feels like the world's coming down around me. I had a day like that the other day, and I had 2 gal-pals to talk to, but I didn't feel like I could completely let it out with them, like they'd think I was a nutcase or a wimp and judge me for letting it all get to me.
(side note: I lost my job, got the smallest role I've ever been cast in a show - after being entirely rejected the audition before, my window on my car shattered, someone stole my stereo out of aforementioned car, and my well-meaning mother is now part of my life 24/7 and I have no alone time aside from my insomniac hours)
I'm so sick of talking to guys who just want to date around and have fun. For once, I'd like someone I'm interested in to be really truly interested in me. Not just want to hang out and have a crazy good time, but want to make it last, and ... I don't know anymore. All these love stories and romantic movies and cutesy songs with happily ever after endings are really getting under my skin.
In conclusion, I'm looking for MY happily ever after... Have you seen it?
If so - the only 2 people following this blog have my number. Call as soon as you know any information as to it's whereabouts, hahaha
Infinite Xs and Os
STM
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